We Be Goblins

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We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Tue May 01, 2012 4:22 pm

From a favored Licktoad goblin song:

We be Licktoads! We make Raid!
Put the Longshanks to the Blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!

Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into Jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Licktoads - you be FOOD!

Background:

When the goblins of the Licktoad tribe in Brinestump Marsh discovered that one of their tribe could write, they had no choice - they ran him out of town, tore down his hut, and burned all his stuff. Writing, after all, is bad mojo, since it can steal words out of your head and thus snatch away your soul. Yet while even the exiled goblin's name is taboo (he's known today only as "Scribbleface" after the Licktoads branded some of his precious words onto his forehead and checks to punish him for breaking custom), the wonders the goblins found in his house were significant.

For Scribbleface had kept more secrets than his writing.

Before the rest of his belongings were claimed or burned, the Licktoad goblins found a large trunk that contained several items of interest. To the majority of the tribe, it was the cache of exotic fireworks in the trunk that was the most impressive, but to the leaders of the tribe, it was the intriguing map (one that, fortunately, contained no writing - only nice, safe drawings and dotted lines). This map showed the extent of Brinestump Marsh, including the route from the Licktoad village to an old shipwreck near the coast that - according to the drawings on the map - contained many more crates of fireworks. How Scribble face had come into possession of the fireworks, the map, and his knowledge in the first place was largely irrelevant to the goblins, for if the spot marked on the map were to indeed lead to more fireworks, the Licktoads would be unstoppable!

Or, if not unstoppable, at the very least they'd be more firework rich! Think of all the longshank houses they could burn down with a big supply of fireworks!
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Sun May 06, 2012 7:42 pm

DM: just post using your normal account.


You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.

Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned
down his hut.

That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting,
all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!

DM: let me know if you want to see your chief.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Vanthus on Sun May 06, 2012 8:37 pm

Chuffy Lickwound wants to see the cheif

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Wedge on Mon May 07, 2012 12:36 pm

Reta Bigbad want to see chief.

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 3:04 pm

DM: I'll assume all of you wisely go straight to see the chief.

Lying at the center of the village, the chief ’s Moot House is a veritable museum of Licktoad heroics— crammed with trophies such as stolen weapons, shiny bits of treasure, and the brine-pickled bodies of dozens of brutally
slaughtered small furry animals (mostly dogs).

His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad rules Licktoad Village from atop the great Teeter Chair, which is 6 feet high and allows him to more properly look down on his subjects. By tradition, Chief Gutwad does not speak directly to his subjects. Instead, he employs an advisor through whom he whispers instructions, for the words that come out of his mouth are so mighty that they might frighten away all the words in the heads of lesser goblins. Only his duly appointed advisor, an overdressed, pompous goblin named Slorb can handle the might of the chief ’s words without fainting from fear.

Slorb asks the PCs to sit on the dirt in front of the Chief (a great honor!), but then, much to
your surprise, shock and fear, Chief Gutwad speaks to you directly in a deep, booming voice.

“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission. “You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast
where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!

“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make
them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come
back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”

With that, the chief waves you out.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 3:10 pm

DM: Things the party would know.

Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many: There are plenty of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more often simply as “Lotslegs,”) is the most notorious. The giant spider lives somewhere in the marsh between the Licktoad village and the coast, and the route that Scribbleface’s map shows leads right through the giant spider’s territory.

Scribbleface’s Map: The map is relatively simple, showing little more than the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs between the two locations. By following the creek, the PCs should be able to easily reach the old wreck. Unfortunately,
the old wreck is also located in the part of the swamp that all Licktoads know to be the
territory of Vorka the cannibal.

Vorka: One of the greatest terrors of the swamp, at least to the Licktoads, is old Vorka, a ravenous cannibal goblin who, legend tells, was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain. She murdered and ate that chieftain, as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town many years ago. Since then,
the story says that she’s lived alone somewhere along the coast to the west of Licktoad village, and while she’s never returned, most goblins who go missing in that part of the swamp are assumed to have been eaten by the cannibal.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 3:28 pm

Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle (firework). This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat (snails, fish, and snakes).

The chief brings out a barrel of fermenting cider apples early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly (let me know if you partake of the Cider).

As the evening progresses, word that the PCs are going on a special quest spreads, and the other goblins of the tribe begin daring you to show off your heroics. The four of you have been dared to the following (knowledge local roles already done gave the inforamtion as to what they are.) The first to successfully complete a dare gets a special prize.

Dance with Squealy Nord: The goblins describe Squealy Nord as a fearsome boar who lives in a muddy pit in the middle of the village, right next to the goblin baby cages. “Dancing with Squealy Nord” requires a goblin to spend 18 seconds (3 rounds) riding on the beasts back. (ride checks)

Image of Squealy Nord


Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick: Bull slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the goblins, they’re considered particularly foul-tasting and, because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult to chew. The Goblins dare you to eat 5 slugs in 1 minute. It is a full round action to eat one. Not spitting out the mildy poisonous bladder can make you eat faster. (Fortatude checks)


Hide or Get Clubbed: This is the goblin version of hide and seek. The dare-taker rushes off into the marsh
without any weapons and attempts to find a good hiding spot (make a Stealth check to determine his success at hiding). The other goblins try to find him, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the previously hidden
goblin with a club.

The Rusty Earbiter: The infamous Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past (at any one time, 2-3 partially severed goblin ears can be found tangled in its sharp internal coils), the Rusty Earbiter is both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads. The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting hat), but his legacy lives on.

A PC who agrees to this dare must climb into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and then wriggle through it, coming out the other side. There’s no time limit to get this done, but the faster the better! Climbing through the Rusty Earbiter requires a series of Escape Artist checks as the goblin must writhe through a series of tight squeezes.

DM: Please let me know if you are goblin or coward for each dare!
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Wedge on Mon May 07, 2012 5:05 pm

Reta Bigbad "Reta dance good! Reta dance with Squealy Nord!!!"

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Wakko on Mon May 07, 2012 5:22 pm

Mogmurch will play Hide or Get Clubbed.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 5:24 pm

The goblins gasp as Reta Bigbad bravely accepts the challenge. The mere fact that the beast has acquired a taste for Goblin corpses has made the superstitious group not cook him up.

The terrifying beast is tied up in the coral as other goblins nervously lower Reta onto its back. It squeals.. err, howls with anger as it shakes it's body about.

As Reta holds her hands up to signal she is ready, a goblin, all to eager to get out cuts the rope. The fierce beast rushes off before Reta gets her hands on its neck. Other goblins point and laugh at Poor Reta as she tries to recover.

Round 1: Reta starts to slide off as it races around, knocking the both of them into the fence. Reta grasps the beasts neck with her claws and remains on.

Round 2: Reta hisses with glee and gets a better grip by clamping her teeth onto Nords ear. In a show of bravery, she even lets go for a second (a natural 20)

Round 3: Reta, still by the pigs ear, hisses and laughs as she lets out a smoky belch.

After three rounds, Reta jumps off and exits the ring, casually strolling and waving to her fans.

The chief declares Reta "Master of the Pig Pit!" He then gives her a “Dragon Brew Gourd” (an elixir
of fire breath). Goblins LOVE fire!

Three dares left!
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 5:40 pm

Magmurch sets down all her alchemist supplies off to the side and rushes off into the marsh to hide.

One goblin starts to peek as he counts very loudly. The chief, who is judging see and offers the goblin a drink from a nearby vial. He gladly takes the drink and quaffs it down, not knowing it is Mugmurch’s alchemical formula. It explodes in his mouth sending teeth everywhere. The other goblins point and laugh at "Smiles".

10 other goblins grab clubs and head of into the march to search for their prey, smacking the clubs in their hands, yelling taunts the entire way.

All ten goblins (lucky role for the dm) come VERY close to Mugmarch. One oven steps on his toe.

As they continue to search the area, one decides to go into the bushes to relieve himself. Coming out he starts to join the others but is quickly clubbed by 5 others. He becomes a permanent addition to the marsh (rolled a 0 on his perception). The other goblins shrug and head back in, giving up. An hour later, the chief remembers to declare Mugmarch the victor. He presents him with "Ring That Lets You
Climb Real Good" (a ring of climbing); BEWARE that this magic ring is on loan from the chieftain’s treasury.

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Mon May 07, 2012 5:48 pm

2 dares left.

To Vanthus: you would be best at the The Rusty Earbiter dare because of your good at escape artist.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Vanthus on Mon May 07, 2012 7:42 pm

Chuffy Lickwound will take on the The Rusty Earbiter

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Tue May 08, 2012 9:24 am

Chuffy confidently strolls up to the rusty ear bitter and taunts the crowed as he waves his hands it the air.

Ducking down, he enters the opening and starts squirming past all the barbed wire and rusty swords fastened to it. He didn't think that it would end up being this tight and he barley has room to move. Needles and blades are almost brushing against his skin. One pops the enormous puss filled zit on his cheek and he sighs with relief.

He sucks in his breath, hoping that that will make him smaller and continues. He maneuvers past a close knife and slowly takes the corner and can see the exit. He continues to slowly move but pauses when a goblin shakes the Rusty earbitter as a joke, but is smacked by the goblin next to him. Chuffy slowly gets to the exit and gets out sucking in a lung full of breath and then posses as he yells "TA DA"

The crowed cheers and are very impressed. The chief awards you the use of one of the tribe's most coveted items—the Chief’s Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful. This is a robe of useful items that has only four patches left—a ladder, a three-legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.


DM POOG, do you attempt the slug eating contest? If so, do you want to spit out the mildly poisonous part for a DC 15 or eat it for a DC 10?
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Poog of Zarongel

Post  girdnas on Thu May 10, 2012 2:02 am

Poog of Zarongel will take the slugs. He will call out, Zarongel be great! Make Poog stomach strong! With power of hate! And slug-eating song! Then he will eat all the slugs as fast as he can, hoping to get them all down before he becomes sick. He will think only of his hatred for the Chieftain as he eats. He hates all of them, his whole tribe, always mocking him about how he can't ride good!

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Thu May 10, 2012 10:08 am

Poog sits at the table and grabs the bag of live slugs.

Round 1 (of 10) He takes it and pops it in his mouth. The slug wiggles on his toungle as he starts to chew. He spits the poisonous part out. The taste of rotten fish is stronger than he remembers, and the slug bursts in his mouth with a little squeal when chewed. A small amount of vomit comes up and he cannot get it down.

Round 2 (of 10) Poog desperatly tries to swallow again, but the burst slug mingles with his vomit to make the taste even worse. He still cannot get the slug down.

Round 3 (of 10) Poog's mouth is filling with bits of slug, bile and saliva. He tries to swallow again but his throat refuses. The mocking laughs of the othe rgoblins drives his rage. "You chew like you ride" shouts one. He hates that one. He pounds on the table in a deperate attempt for strength.

Round 4 (of 10) He looks around the mocking crowd. He opens his mouth for all to see the mixture and then swallows.

Round 5 (of 10) He sticks another in his mouth and feels it burst. He spits out liver at the one he hates and swallows.

Rounds 6-7 - He chews three more in two rounds and swallows them.

The bag is empty and he has won the dare. A dare the others were to dog to take.

Poog is rewarded with a loan of the mighty Gorge of Gluttons—a +1 dogslicer that functions as a bane weapon when utilized against horses (improving to a +3 dogslicer that inflicts an additional 2d6 points of damage on a successful hit). This weapon is owned by the chief, and if the PCs don’t bring the weapon back to him,
heads will roll.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Thu May 10, 2012 10:33 am

Does the group wish to exchange rewards before heading out in the morning?

(also, remember that dogs and horses are feared and hated by goblins)
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Wedge on Thu May 10, 2012 10:56 am

Reta to Poog: "Good job Slugbreath! Ha! Ha! Ha! You breath smell like slug now! Ha! Ha! Ha! Dragon Breath better then Slugbreath! Ha! Ha! Ha! I give you Dragon Breath Gourd, you give me Gorge of Gluttons? That good trade Slugbreath. Even dog licker like you know that!"

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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Fri May 11, 2012 11:47 am

DM: While we wait for the group to decide if they want to trade, I will continue a bit.

The PCs are brought before the chief again at dawn, whereupon he instructs them to “get
fireworks and bring them here to me.” To help them, he gives the PCs the remaining fireworks from Scribbleface’s
stash—two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.

The journey to the fireworks stash, is relatively short—a slog not quite a mile-long through the swamp along the creek’s southern bank. The journey takes only an hour to make. The marsh itself is relatively difficult to navigate, with numerous stretches of deep water that must be skirted and thick tangles of stinging nettles.


Desnan Candle (5 gp): When lit, this foot-long
wooden tube launches a flaming pyrotechnic “candle”
every round for 4 rounds. Each projectile deals 1 point
of nonlethal damage and 1 point of fire damage if it
hits; on a critical hit, the target is also blinded for 1
round. The projectiles shed light as candles for 1 round
and have a range increment of 5 feet. Attacking with a
Desnan candle is a ranged touch attack and always has a
–4 nonproficiency penalty.

Paper Candle (1 gp): This finger-sized explosive
detonates noisily 1 round after lighting. Anyone in the
same square as a paper candle when it explodes must make
a DC 15 Fortitude save or be dazzled for 1d4 rounds.

Skyrocket (50 gp): When lit, this foot-long wooden
tube begins to shake and emit a handful of white sparks,
shedding light as a torch. One round later it takes
flight, moving in a straight line with a fly speed of 90
for 1d6 rounds before loudly exploding in an burst of
light and sound, dealing 2d6 points of fire damage in a
10-foot burst (DC 15 Reflex save for half ). If a skyrocket
impacts a solid surface or a creature before reaching its
maximum range, it detonates prematurely at the point
of impact. Anyone who takes damage from the explosion
is either blinded or deafened (a 50% chance of either) for
1 round.
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Re: We Be Goblins

Post  Bella on Fri May 11, 2012 12:23 pm

The group walk through the march as they sing the smurf song in theif gobliny voices. The tree tops are creating a refrashing shade and the stagnant, green water tastes good. They come to a section wher ethe trees are covered in webs. Fearing they have entered Lotslegs domain, they draw their weapons and look around. Non of them see the giant spider decend behind them onto the trail. It strikes at Poog as it hisses.

It nicks him in the back doing 6 points of damage. His body shudders as the poison tries to take hold, but he resists.

The group turns and starts their counter attack.

Chuffy takes a 5 ft step toward the spider and swings with his dogslicer and misses.

Mogmurch takes a 5 ft step away and chucks a bomb at the spider as he screams. The bomb goes to far.

Poog takes a 5 ft step to the side to flank with Chuffy. He hates that Chuffy can ride better than him. He hits Lotslegs for 4 pts of damage.

Reta steps up and swings at the spider but misses.

The spider swings back at poog but misses.

Chuffy laughs and swings again at the spider. he misses.

Mogmurch chucks another bomb hitting it. It does 6 poits of damage and some to his friends. They growl at him and shake their goblin fists at him.

Poog swings his dogslicer at the spider again but misses.

Reta misses yet again.

Lotslegs swings at Poog and misses.

Chuffy howls a battle cry and swings. and hits, dropping it with his sneak attack. The goblins make sure the spider stays dead.

The party manages to track down the spiders lair where they heal up for the day and find loot.

The lair itself consists of a deadfall of several old trees. Scattered amid the trees are dozens of bodies, some of
which are goblins, but a few of which are humans. They find the following items among the bodies: 24 gp, a Small masterwork light crossbow with 11 bolts, a single pearl worth 100 gp, 2 potions of cure moderate wounds, a potion of bull’s strength, a potion of bear’s endurance, and a wax-paper-sealed package containing six pieces of licorice-flavored taffy.
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